rating: nc-17. warnings for explicit sex and swearing,
and criminal overuse of terms such as "future simon" and "older simon".
spoilers through 2.03. an au of sorts.
The Simon, who as Simon continues to stare at him he realises is older, different, with a different hair style, better built, more relaxed, with faint stubble lining his jaw, smiles sympathetically, almost sadly, and he says, "I forgot."
"So, Simon," Nathan declares one day, plopping down on the bench next to Simon and dumping his hand on his thigh. Simon tenses up instantly and turns his neck to face Nathan very slowly. Whenever Nathan uses Simon's name, there is something he is up to. And whenever Nathan touches Simon like that, it's another attempt to get into his pants. Simon is used to it by now, but that doesn't mean he likes it.
"You know how we were discussing you wanting to... start gettin' busy the other night..." Nathan grins wickedly, sleazily, at Simon, and Simon shifts a tiny bit further away from the boy. After the tattoo artist fiasco, they came to terms with something they feel for and about eachother, but Simon had made it very plain he was not ready for and did not want to go any further than cuddling and some light making out. He's woken up a few times with Nathan sleep-humping him, but Simon's gotten skilled at removing himself from that position without waking Nathan up and starting problems, so it's not been an issue.
He'd finally said to Nathan the other night that he might want to do it, but he'd also confessed to nerves. And Nathan, with his sleazy grin and ridiculous face, isn't exactly easing those nerves right now. Simon swallows and says, reaching up one hand to play with his collar where it suddenly feels too tight on his neck, "And?"
"Tonight," Nathan says, as though it's as simple as that. Simon frowns hard at him. "We don't have to go all the way," Nathan points out, "but at least a little bit. And you know, I'll teach you stuff, and be nice... at least think about it?" Nathan makes these big, pitiful eyes at him, "For me. And y'know, I'll even set up in a room here with a lockable door."
Simon eyes him warily still then finally goes, "I'll come but you can't push me into anything."
Nathan grins wickedly. "I won't need to." Simon frowns and is about to questioh his kind-of boyfriend but Nathan just kisses him on the cheek and zooms off, gone, and Simon just sits there perplexed before he stands to get changed into his jumpsuit and begin another day of his community payback.
At the end of said day, Simon gets changed out of the jumpsuit first. He waits for Nathan, who in turns waits for everyone else to leave, and then Nathan just sort of grins at him and says, "Come on, weird kid."
Simon just purses his lips and follows as Nathan leads him through the community center. Nathan seems rather relaxed for a guy who wants to get laid; and it's probably more unsettling than anything else. He's lead to the room that Simon is fairly sure they stored the bodies of Gary and Tony in, but when Nathan opens the door, Simon is more distracted by the fact there's a person in there, sat on a mattress laid out on the floor.
Simon is sat on the mattress.
Only he can't be. That doesn't make any sense. That isn't possible. "Nathan," Simon says, pressing the heel of his palm to his forehead in confusion and pointing wildly at the Simon-thing on the mattress. "What is that? Who is that?"
Nathan looks far too pleased with himself when he says, "It's you!" He sweeps his arms out dramatically, and beams.
Simon grabs at his arm and says through gritted teeth, his body shaking, "What do you mean it's me?"
The Simon on the mattress stands up and leaves the mattress, coming closer, and he says to Nathan, "He needs to sit down." The Simon reaches a hand out to Simon, but Simon flinches away, from both of them, and makes his own way to the corner of the room to sit down and stare at the pair of them. The Simon, who as Simon continues to stare at him he realises is older, different, with a different hair style, better built, more relaxed, with faint stubble lining his jaw, smiles sympathetically, almost sadly, and he says, "I forgot."
"Forgot what?" Simon breathes at him.
Simon says back, "How hard it was for you to deal with things here." He points at himself and says, "How hard it was for me." He closes his eyes and looks pained, confused for a minute, before he opens his eyes again and settles them back on Simon's. "I remember hearing this speech. Not exactly the same, but..."
Nathan interuppts and says, "So this one is from the future and and you're from today, and I have to say you get way better looking as you get older. Kind of sucks that I didn't get to travel back in time and all." He turns to the older Simon and says, "I meant to ask you, am I as good looking in your future?"
The older Simon looks at Nathan with a disdain that Simon feels familiar with. It makes him relax a little bit, and Simon asks quietly, "How can you be from the future? Isn't seeing your past self breaking rules?" He saw it on tv once. Or in a book. He doesn't remember.
He shrugs. "A few months ago I couldn't have met you without changing our future. But now..." Simon shakes his head and keeps tight-lipped and makes his way to the mattress, where he sits himself on the right side with his hands folded neatly in his lap.
Simon stares at his older self and then looks at Nathan questioningly.
"You know when all that tattoo artist wank went down?" Nathan says helpfully, and Simon nods. The Simon on the makeshift bed almost smiles. "I fucking fall down a flight of stairs when I was busy thinking about how much I wanted your virginity, and crack my neck, and die, and I wake up in this fucking underground lair where some twat's got hundreds of photos of us stashed all over the walls, and videos, and times - "
"Nathan," the Simon on the bed says quietly, warningly, and somehow Simon with his back to the wall understands that if Nathan reveals anything about the future, things could be messed up. Nathan just makes a face at Simon.
"Anyway," Nathan continues, dramatically, grand, grinning, "I wander around and I realise this dickhead is this masked twat who kept following us, and then it turns out - to be you! Only not - and he tells me all about how we get together - " here he gestures between himself and Simon, "and that I had to be patient, and when the time was right, he would help me - us, you, I guess - get it on with you. And," Nathan throws his hands up and then lumps them on his hips and with a flourish and a flick of his curls says, "Apparantly the time is right."
"Right," Simon says numbly, honestly not really following. It's hard enough to follow Nathan when he babbles without important things like time travel and futures and things being thrown in.
He looks nervously from Nathan to the future Simon, who says, "It's okay." He glances down at the opposite of the bed and Simon feels compelled to make his way to that side of the mattress, sitting there right on the edge, unwilling to get any closer, like getting too close to his future self would spark some kind of explosion.
Nathan is more than happy enough to dump himself in the middle of the two of them, but when a few minutes have passed and it simply descends into awkward silence (with the older Simon happily being watched, the younger still too nervous to do anything except stare) his stupid grin fades and he lifts a hand and presses it to Simon's neck. "C'mere."
Simon hesitates at first, but with Nathan starts to get closer, he does too, and leans in and kisses Nathan, soft and slow. They get into it, kissing deeper and messier, and Nathan manages to get Simon down on his back, hovering his weight over him. It's easy at first, and Simon gets lost in it, relaxing, and he tries not to let his palms sweat when Nathan straddles his hips and begins to just sort of grind against him. It's nice, but Simon doesn't know what to do - he just sort of lies there and lets Nathan do it all.
He's somehow forgotten the presence of him-from-the-future when the other Simon speaks, having somehow shed a shirt as he crawls close to them and says, "You can touch him." He smiles at his younger self, a smile that Simon currently doesn't even know how to form, a smile that he thinks can only come with knowledge, and then older Simon fists a hand in Nathan's hair and brings him into a bruising kiss that Nathan accepts greedily with a grin.
They break the kiss with a gasp for air and Simon just stares from his place flat on the mattress, and just watches as Simon rests his forehead against Nathan's and looks him hard in the eyes, lips quirked at the corners, fingers stroking through his hair. "I'd encourage it," Simon murmurs, and he nudges his nose against Nathan's and says, "He likes this kind of touching more than he'll admit."
Nathan obnoxiously wiggles his hips down and older Simon smiles and lets go just as Simon, pinned beneath Nathan, gasps sharply and Nathan whines, "Can we all just stop talking and just get it on?"
Simon meets eyes with his future self; he tries to convey, despite the conflicting emotion in his dick, that he has no idea what to do. To please help. Simon can't be this impulsive. He can't leap into sex. He doesn't know how. He likes, loves, needS to know and plan and - he can't just aim and thrust and hope he gets it right and doesn't cause internal injury.
His future self already knows what to do, though, which makes sense really. He nudges Nathan, and Simon, and there's awkward shuffling until the older Simon has his legs apart with Simon's back to his chest, and Simon's got Nathan straddled on his hips again. Older Simon encourages him, hands on wrists as Simon undoes Nathan's jeans, fingers trailing over hands as Simon hesitantly starts to jerk Nathan off.
Nathan whines unflatteringly and makes an appalling face that makes Simon frown but the Simon behind him huff a very quiet laugh, and immediately gets wriggling again, noisy as hell. Simon can't object to the taller boy wriggling around on his lap, though, and his lips part and he restrains a gasp, furrowing his brow and trying to focus on the task that is literally at hand.
Nathan squeals like a girl at one point, and it's then that Nathan smacks Simon's hand away (and Simon tries not to feel put out by that, but the other Simon's hands slide over his and grasp them a little and he just focuses on that). Nathan climbs off Simon's lap and everything, and Simon immediately gets into panic mode when Nathan stands there, dick hanging out of pants, hands on hips. Maybe he thinks Simon is rubbish at this. Maybe Simon is rubbish at this. Older Simon squeezes his hands a little.
Nathan eventually huffs and flicks his hair and says, "Alrighty, we've got to get naked and get on with this before I come like a twelve year old having his first wank."
"That's a wonderful mental image," Older Simon says, which is funny, because that's exactly what Simon had been thinking.
Nathan sneers and then gets right down to it, just pulling his clothes off in a completely ungraceful manner. The pants go all the way off first, pooling around his ankles with his briefs, then off comes his t-shirt and then Nathan bends to fish out a condom from his jeans pocket, somehow at the same time as he tries to get his socks off. Simon observes this as he leans foward from the older Simon's chest, undoing his shirt and sliding it off, folding it and laying it down beside the mattress, standing up to do the same with his pants and boxers and socks.
He glances over at older Simon as he does, and he's taken aback by how different they are, especially as the older Simon lifts his hips and gets out of his trousers. He's more defined, muscled - Simon isn't exactly thin in the muscle respect, never has has been, but older Simon is genuinely muscled, the kind of look you work for.
Older Simon doesn't remove his boxers, which is something Simon is kind of grateful for as the three of them resume their positions. Nathan dumps himself back down across Simon's lap, seated farther back than he was, the still-wrapped condom hanging from between his teeth as he wraps his hand around Simon's cock and strokes, with more care and precision than Simon had honestly expected. Simon remembers his more experienced self's advice to touch Nathan, so he reaches out and touches his thighs and grasps at his hips. It's a little hard to focus, though, and he ends up giving himself over and dropping his head back against older Simon's shoulder and groaning, eyes slipping shut.
The hand vanishes after a while, and Simon almost mourns the loss, but older Simon's hand snakes around and touches him, and oh, that's weird, because Simon knows those hands because they're his hands. They're rougher, the hands having seen more than him, having seen all the things he's yet to, and they know what they're doing a lot more. There's the sound of tearing plastic and foil, so Simon opens his eyes (they feel drugged, heavy) and swallows, just in time to watch Nathan get the condom out of the wrapper with a triumphant, "Aha!"
Nathan sits up onto his knees and smacks older Simon's hand away. They rest on Simon's stomach, and he glances down at them - they look exactly like his, and the situation suddenly weighs down on him and thoughts begin to race (is it masturbation if it's your future self?), but they're all erased when Nathan rolls the condom onto Simon's dick and grins lewdly at him. The real weight hits. Simon is about to lose his virginity, with Nathan of all the people in the world, with his future self pressed up against his back.
His mouth suddenly feels very dry, so he's glad that Nathan doesn't ask for any assistance when it comes to lubricant. He spits in his hand a few times, swipes it over Simon's dick and then spits on his fingers and reaches behind himself. Simon looks away, a little uncomfortable (mostly because of the faces Nathan is making), but his older self presses his fingers against Simon's stomach and kisses his neck. Simon shifts a little and it's then, only then, that he realises there's something pressing into his back. "I. Uhm."
A press of lips to his jaw and his older self assures him, "Don't worry about it." Nathan steals his attention again, crawling real close and leaning over him. Nathan seems considerably less gobby during this, which is a welcome relief, and Nathan kisses him deeply, licking into his mouth before he sits up and reaches behind him, awkwardly grasping at Simon's cock before he sinks down on it.
It's warm and hot and tight, a little dry but nothing short of great. Simon grasps at Nathan's hips without thinking, making a noise in the back of his throat, and Nathan just whimpers in his typically girly fashion and just sort of sits there for a minute, chest heaving. Older Simon's fingers rub across his stomach, lips teasing at his neck again, and then Nathan starts to lift himself up and down, and holy fuck, being in the middle of all this is going to be too much.
Nathan takes a little while to truly get into it, hesitant and just sort of grinning at first, but it doesn't take him too long before he's comfortably riding Simon, making all sorts of dirty, arousing noises. Simon, really, he doesn't know what to do, so he just touches Nathan where ever he can reach, groaning at the feeling around his cock. He grasps at his thighs, touches his stomach, hips, ribs, kisses his chest, just putting his hands anywhere and everywhere in the hopes he can make this as good for Nathan as Simon is finding it.
He almost, almost forgets that his elder self is there, but then Nathan leans over Simon's shoulder and the two share an obnoxiously long kiss that makes Simon jealous enough to grab Nathan by the wrist and steal the kiss away. Nathan laughs, and Simon blushes, but Nathan just goes back to riding Simon's cock like it's his job, kissing Simon long and deep again. Older Simon just hums, a curious noise before he kisses Simon's neck and jaw again, fingers pressing near-possessively against his skin. I am you, I own you.
It doesn't feel like it's been long enough when Nathan starts making high-pitched, gaspy little noises and chanting how he's going to come any minute - but then again, Simon's never done this before, how can he judge how long is long enough?
"How about you?" Older Simon asks in his ear, breath hot and tingling and sending a shiver down Simon's spine. Simon realises that yeah, he is, and nods, groaning before he reaches out to wrap a hand around Nathan's cock. It only takes a couple of strokes before Nathan moans and comes hard between them. He tenses all over, still rocking up and down on Simon's dick, and he can only take that for a couple of seconds before he, too, comes, filling the condom and crying out loud. Those fingers dig harder into his stomach.
They take time to breathe and minutes pass with Nathan bracing himself over and against the two Simons, chest heaving and his hair in his face. Eventually, he says, "Well," and then rolls unceremoniously off Simon, onto his back on the mattress, crawls under the sheets and then seconds later, snoring arises from where he's now lying on his side.
Simon stares at his boyfriend. What a romantic way for me to lose my virginity. Eventually, he sits forward and turns his head to look at the other Simon and asks, "Is he always going to do that?"
The older Simon makes a pained face and nods slowly. Simon smiles a little and looks down. It's typical Nathan, really.
He realises he's shivering and states the obvious to himself quietly, "It's cold in here."
Older Simon nods and gestures vaguely at the sheets on the mattress and Simon nods, perhaps a tad too enthusiastically. Older Simon points at a bin in the corner of the room though, and Simon realises he still has the condom on. He makes an embarrassed face and pulls it off, remembering the day that sex education was briefly covered in secondary school and putting a tie in it before he climbs to his feet, feeling self-conscious as he walks across the room naked. But Nathan is asleep so it's just him and Simon; and that's no different from being stood in front of a mirror, he tries to keep in mind.
When he turns back, the older Simon is sat on the mattress with the sheets thrown aside, and Simon eyes him a little bit and realises he still has a hardon. He doesn't mention it though as older Simon shifts over so that Simon can climb in, and he doesn't either, so he just pulls the sheet over them both and lies down.
Older Simon lies level with him, head turned and he says, "Was it good?"
"Don't you remember?" Simon queries, turning his head to face him.
"I do," Simon says. "But it gets better. I don't remember what it was like when I had nothing to compare it to."
"It was good," he confirms, with a shy smile. It slips off his face and he says, "Do we stay together long? Me - and him?"
Simon purses his lips and shakes his head and says, "I'm not allowed to tell you stuff. I wish I could." He edges closer. "Can I kiss you?"
"You wouldn't be asking me if you knew I was going to say no," he answers, and older Simon smiles and brings himself closer and kisses him softly. It feels odd but not odd. No odder than the rest of the night. He runs his fingers hesitantly over Simon's arm and finds bumps and scars that aren't here on his present skin. He breaks the kiss, still touching a prominent one on his upper arm, and he's about to ask when it clicks. "The night his brother died... I followed you. You lead me to that girl's house." He frowns. "But you're not going to tell me why."
Simon smiles and kisses him again. "Let it all play out."
He frowns and glances beyond his older self, to his boyfriend asleep on the mattress beside them. "Is he going to die?" It's a stupid question. He's immortal. But it just comes out, filled to the brink with fear. He looks at older Simon hard and finds his eyes averted. "Are you here to stop him dying?"
The older Simon closes his eyes and eventually opens them and tells Simon sadly, "I'm here to stop everything." Simon's eyes widen and he wants to ask what everything means, but his future self, this person who clearly carries so much, just painfully shakes his head and pulls Simon into a kiss so hard and passionate that he can barely catch his breath afterwards.
"What does everything mean?" Simon asks quietly. "What happens to us?"
"I wish I could tell you," he says firmly, "but I can't. I have to let it play out. You have to let it play out. Things are set in motion that I can't stop if you know about them." The older Simon looks down then at Simon and says, "I wish I. I wish you weren't so curious. I remember being you and hearing this. I remember this - "
Simon's head is starting to hurt from the mix of future and past. The secretiveness isn't helping. He just grabs his older self into a kiss and says, dubiously, "Do you remember that?" He gets a nod in answer. He frowns. "Then what happens now?"
There's a glance downwards and then, "When this happened to me, I... you gave me oral. Not properly, but."
"And what if I did something different?" Simon doesn't mean to challenge his older self. It more comes from a place of curiousity. If you change the past you change the future. Even if you are the past. That's what movies and television and books taught Simon.
"My memories might change. It could be fun." What comes back is a challenge, and it was unexpected. The gap between them feels bigger with every smile and word. Simon has so far to go to become this man beside him.
One step at a time. He accepts the challenge and looks down the other Simon's body and runs his fingers down his stomach and slips them into his boxers, wrapping his fingers around his cock. It's unnerving at first because it feels exactly the same, but the Simon he's touching, his eyes flutter shut and his lips part in a silent gasp as Simon starts to work his hand up and down. It doesn't take that long to bring the older boy to the brink, and he comes over Simon's hand with a quiet gasp.
Simon wipes his hand on future counterpart's boxers and something occurs to him. "Did you know I'd do that?"
Older Simon gives him this sharp smile and kisses him a final time before sitting up and climbing out from under the sheets, stepping over him and towards his clothes. "I have to go. Things have to happen. I have to make them happen."
Simon frowns, but nods acceptingly. He shuffles closer to Nathan now they're alone on the bed, and within minutes the older Simon is stepping towards the door, ready to leave. He hesitates and turns and says to Simon, "You have to love him. You have to be careul. Big things are going to happen and that's why I'm here. But I can't protect everyone all the time. Be careful."
Simon nods in understanding and older Simon leaves without another word. He looks around the room and sighs before he brings himself close to Nathan and spoons against him, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's chest. Everything is going to change, he thinks. Be careful.